batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
