My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We need to rekindle our bromance
only you would photoshop your dick
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
