dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
