You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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