shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
