WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I have demons in me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
