Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize