The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
