So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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