I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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