so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
