I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
