I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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