So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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