I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
