You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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