i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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