Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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