So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
