Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
