Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
