"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
