Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
They took my balls.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
