The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize