...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
