Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
