She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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