Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize