11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize