I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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