Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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