you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
