There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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