Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
