ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
