Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
