there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
