if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
