how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
