I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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