hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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