Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
