youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize