I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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