Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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