Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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