i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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