He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
