Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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