I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
