Got a toothbrush?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize