is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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