Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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