Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
