your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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