take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
