hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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