you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
