Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am in a vortex of obligation.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
