are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
