Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pants are for mortals
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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