I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Is it because I queefed?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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