Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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