Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
