i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
