I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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